


Spark

by ApexOnHigh



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Episode Related: s17e19 Sheltered Outcasts, Episode Tag, Feelings Realization, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-16 16:05:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13057416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApexOnHigh/pseuds/ApexOnHigh
Summary: After that blind dinner date set up by Ken and Alejandro, Fin comes to a realization about what—and who—he really needs.





	Spark

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sidewinder](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sidewinder/gifts).



Fin undid his tie as he walked down the street, rolling it up and shoving it in his jacket pocket. He sighed and wished he could as easily put away memories of the ill-fated dinner "date" he'd just endured this evening. 

Ken had meant well. Fin knew that, he wasn't mad or upset at his son or anything. Ken saw his father growing older and still alone, and only wanted him to be happy.

He didn't understand that Fin was happier on his own than in a relationship that didn't happen in a natural fashion. He didn't want something forced and lacking any kind of spark, simply for the sake of supposed companionship.

And that certain, special spark was exactly what had been missing with the "friend" Ken and Alejandro had invited him over to meet tonight. Rhonda Evans, a professor at Hudson who volunteered at Williams House. She was attractive, confident, and had a bold sense of humor. She actually shared a few of Fin's interests, which was probably why Ken had thought she might be a good match for him.

But dinner had still been awkward. And not awkward like a first date full of anticipation and wanting to learn more about a person, wondering—even hoping—where the night might lead. It had been awkward more in the sense of feeling the pressure of Ken and his husband's eyes upon them both all evening, trying to make romance click that wasn't there.

Fin tried to shake off the uncomfortable recollections as he stepped down into the subway entrance. He'd said goodnight to Rhonda with a forced smile and a non-committal "I'll give you a call some time." Her smile in return had told him she knew he never would, and that was perfectly all right.

Her reaction left him relieved, not disappointed. He'd have to call Ken tomorrow to thank him for the effort, but also to encourage to forget about any future match-making attempts.

Sure, Fin noticed things changing with those around him at SVU. Liv was always busy with Noah, and now with her budding relationship with Tucker (as weird as _that_ was. But if she was happy? Fin wouldn't be one to complain.) Amanda was settling into a more stable life with Jesse, and seemed to have a budding thing—be it friendship or otherwise—with Carisi. The others he had known, when he'd first come to SVU, were all gone for good.

And he would go home alone, once again.

But it was all right. Wasn't it? Better alone than with someone he didn't truly care about.

That's what he'd been telling himself for years.

* * *

The train rumbled on into the night through the boroughs of New York City. Fin always preferred the subway over driving when possible. In this city it was a faster way to get around most of the time. That, and he didn't have to concentrate on or deal with the stress of rushing taxis and eternally congested streets.

But sometimes the ease of subway travel could catch up with him, as it did on this evening. Lost in his thoughts and functioning on near auto-pilot after his dinner date, Fin hadn't quite noticed that he'd boarded the wrong train. Not until he prepared to get off and realized which station he was at.

It wasn't the one closest to his apartment.

Instead, he'd taken the train all the way to his old partner's stop.

Fin cursed under his breath at his stupidity and carelessness. But then he shrugged it off with a shake of the head, a quiet chuckle. It wasn't as if he hadn't taken this ride enough times before. Not even all that long ago. No, he and Munch stayed in touch on a regular basis. In fact these days they spent more time together off the job than they used to when they had to put up with each other at the 16th every day.

Because Fin missed him, otherwise. As hard as _that_ was to believe.

And maybe, if he thought about things more closely, it wasn't such an accident or mistake that he'd ended up here tonight.

* * *

He could have gotten right on a different train and made his way home, saved further embarrassment. Instead he left the station and walked the few blocks to that memorized address. It wasn't too late in the evening, so he was sure John would still be up—as long as he wasn't out somewhere for the night.

He let himself up (Munch's keys having never left his keyring, not after all of these years) and rang the apartment doorbell. A surprised John Munch answered the door in casual attire, a day's worth of stubble shadowing his jaw. He raised an eyebrow at Fin and asked, "Found yourself in my neighborhood at this hour?"

"Kinda. Long story. Not a bad time, is it?"

"Never for your company. Come on in."

The cluttered apartment was familiar, a strange comfort. John asked, "Can I get you a drink?"

"Whatever you're having or got open." He had been too nervous to drink too much at dinner; now he wouldn't mind something to unwind a bit.

John went to the kitchen and came out a moment later with a glass of red wine, matching the one sitting on the coffee table beside his book. "I know wine's not your usual choice of poison, but..."

"It's fine."

"So what _does_ bring you out this way on a late Saturday evening?"

Fin shook his head. "Growing senility, I suppose. Was at my son's for dinner, ended up getting on the wrong train home."

"And your internal homing system brought you to my doorstep instead?"

"Somethin' like that."

John snorted, tucking his long legs and bare feet up on the sofa. Fin took a sip of wine, contemplated talking about his failed date. Found he was focusing on those bare feet instead, his thoughts traveling to other subjects. He asked, "You ever get lonely?"

"Don't we all, from time to time?"

"I suppose. I guess...I don't know." Fin turned away, still thinking. They had, on occasion, sought relief from that loneliness together. No commitment, no promises. Something that had always stayed off the job and they never discussed beyond the walls of their respective living quarters.

Something Fin never would have expected, nor to have it come to mean so much to him. Maybe more than he'd realized until recently...

Until tonight.

He would rather be alone than with someone without spark, he had thought earlier tonight. And his relationship with John had always been a spark ready to ignite, one he'd perhaps been afraid of the fire it could become.

Maybe it was time to stop being afraid.

"You know you're always welcome to not be lonely here for the night," John told him.

"I know. But what about...what if I'm thinkin' about more than just tonight?"

John tilted his head, a Mona Lisa smile forming on his lips. "Then I think we'll have some serious things to talk about come tomorrow morning."

Fin nodded, and smiled too. And then moved to sit in the space John made beside him on the sofa, that bright spark beginning to turn into a comforting, warming glow.

 


End file.
